


Ineffective Excuses

by orphan_account



Series: The Saga of the Doctor and his Bladder [4]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Embarrassment, Episode: s03e02 The Shakespeare Code, Urination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 22:59:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18838537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Doctor thinks he's good at hiding his needs. What he didn't count on was the observation skills of his medically knowledgeable companion.





	Ineffective Excuses

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [No Excuses](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18182819) by [Forget_About_Me](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forget_About_Me/pseuds/Forget_About_Me). 



> Yes, one more "No Excuses" spin-off. Last one, I hope...

A few minutes of walking through the streets of London, Shakespeare stopped. 

 

“I’m just gonna take a quick leak, just realized I didn’t go before we left,” Will explained. “Anyone else?” He asked politely

 

The Doctor’s bladder vibrated in agreement with Shakespeare’s suggestion. A bathroom break happened to be exactly what the Doctor needed. The Doctor considered it inside his head for just a second. He decided it wasn’t an option. It involved admitting his need to Martha AND the Bard, of all people.. plus, judging from he had seen, the “bathroom” Shakespeare had in mind was most likely a pile of hay in an alley. It may have a culture akin to a set of urinals, but. No doors, no illusion of privacy. He frowned at the discomfort he had to sustain. 

 

As soon as Martha informed William Shakespeare of her equal need, she turned to the Doctor. He was frowning worriedly, and looked really tense. He just dismissed them both, with Martha looking back at him sceptically, wondering what was wrong with him. 

 

When Martha returned, the same tense Time Lord was waiting for her. 

 

“Are you okay?” she asked, concerned. 

 

“Of course, I’m always alright,” the Doctor lied.

 

Martha knew he was lying right away, his expression hadn’t changed, it had only been changed to feature an unconvincing smile. 

 

She made a decision to observe the Doctor while they continued the walk to Bedlam. She noticed that he seemed to actually appreciate the walk more than the waiting. He had shown his preference for activity clearly, when they first met. But this still didn’t account for the tenseness, or the frown. They weren’t in any danger, they were just stopping for a toilet break. In an era  _ without _ toilets, but nevertheless, a toilet break. A theory struck Martha.  _ Toilet break _ …

 

Martha interrupted the quiet walk, to not-so-randomly ask the Doctor about Bedlam. He answered the first few questions without stopping, so she feigned fear of the “madmen”, blocking him with her hand. He instantly stiffened. She turned to Shakespeare, who gave some input about the “necessity” of their, according to the Doctor, “barbaric” treatment at Bedlam. 

 

The Doctor’s frown returned, and he had to keep moving on the spot to alleviate the pressure in his bladder. 

 

She turned back to him, noticing his “wriggly”-ness. 

 

“Do you need the loo?” Martha asked him quietly. 

 

The Doctor blushed, his eyes widening, at the abrupt question. 

  
“No, I’m good,” he told her, doing his best to sound convincing. 

 

“Doctor,” Martha said, kindly pushing him to tell the truth. Still blushing, The Doctor discreetly nodded. She stroked his arm sympathetically. 

 

“Why didn’t you go before?” Martha asked. 

 

Before the Doctor could answer, Will interrupted. 

  
“Go where?” Shakespeare asked, confused. 

 

“ _ Go _ , as a verb. What we took a break to do a minute ago,” Martha explained. Shakespeare understood, looking at the Doctor just as curiously as Martha. 

 

Not being able to explain it to Shakespeare for time travel reasons, the Doctor walked a bit away from him, to talk more privately with Martha. 

 

“We’re in the middle ages. Using the loo equals peeing in front of WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE!” the Doctor explained, exasperatedly. 

 

“So? You could’ve found a more private spot.” Martha pointed out. 

  
“Not private enough.” the Doctor stated. 

 

“That’s not the only reason you didn’t is it? There’s no way you’ve travelled for who knows how long in the TARDIS with Rose, and never found yourself needing the loo in her presence,” Martha remarked. 

 

“ _ Well, didn’t matter _ ,” The Doctor mumbled to himself. 

 

“Didn’t matter?” Martha questioned. 

 

“Did you hide it from her every time?” she asked, now worried. 

 

The Doctor looked at the ground, basically confirming that he had. 

 

“Doctor, hiding a natural bodily function isn’t healthy. You’re just bringing yourself unnecessary discomfort,” Doctor Jones gently lectured him. 

 

“I just can’t.. speak up about that. It’s embarrassing,” The Doctor stated.

 

Martha nodded in understanding. 

  
“Well there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, it’s natural. It’s alright,” Martha assured him. 

 

“Now, why don’t you go find a private place to go?” she suggested. He nodded.

  
“Back in a minute,” the Doctor remarked quickly, walking away down a side street.

 

The Doctor eventually found a sufficiently conspicuous alley. One quick glance, to make sure he was alone, he unzipped, and started peeing at the wall, towards the ground. He sighed in great relief, then zipped back up, and went back to Martha.

 

“Just a bit picky about privacy,” he explained simply, to the Bard. And that was that. For that adventure at least. 

 

The End.


End file.
